Bettman Orders Rangers, Opponents to Play Without Goalie

The NHL is becoming increasingly frustrated with the lack of scoring this season. The Rangers, with their many stars and their lack of production, along with fine goaltending, epitomize the league’s offensive woes, thereby becoming a target of NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman.

Ever the innovator, Bettman has ruled that the Rangers and their opponents must play without goaltenders for a period of ten games. This should give the Rangers ample time to start scoring. Also, goaltender Henrik Lundqvist should cool off by the end of this period.

“The Rangers are like Minnesota Wild East,” Bettman said. “We don’t want to have to suspend players for not putting the puck in the net, so hopefully this will get them going.” He also said he was “very, very disappointed” in the play of Lundqvist. “Didn’t he get the memo? We want more scoring!” Bettman said.

Bettman then flew into a rage, but abruptly left the press room, as he had a golf outing with his old buddy, former head of the NHL Players Association Ted Saskin.

Tags: bettman, gary bettman, lundqvist, minnesota wild, RANGERS, saskin, scoring, ted saskin, wild