Archive for the ‘NHL’ Category

MARTIN BRODUER AWARDED CHRIS SIMON TROPHY

October 14, 2008

Following the New Jersey Devil’s 4-1 loss to the mighty New York Rangers Monday night, the NHL announced that Martin Broduer, the popular adulterer who moonlights as a minor league hockey goalie, will be awarded the Chris Simon trophy for unsportsmanlike conduct.  The announcement came as no surprise to Ranger fans everywhere, as they are used to seeing Marty’s antics in the crease… although we only hear about his antics in the bedroom.

When asked for comment, Marty just simply ignored our reporter, much like he simply ignored shaking hands following the Devil’s thrashing last spring in the playoffs.

Since we couldn’t get a comment from Marty, we asked the world’s favorite goalie, Henrik Lundqvist, how he felt about the news: “It couldn’t have been awarded to a worse guy.  Marty cheats at hockey, as well as his marriage.  Its as if the Chris Simon award was made for Marty.”  When asked about how it is to lead the league in wins this season, Henry added “Wait until we play some real teams, I don’t know why the NHL even awards us 2 points in the standings for playing the Devils, aren’t they the Albany River Rats’ farm team??”  Henry then left to go meet up with some Swedish supermodels.

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The Dirtiest Play in NHL History

January 23, 2008

The score was 2-0 in favor of the New York Rangers in the last minute of the first period. Atlanta was desperately seeking a way to gain some momentum. Along came Ilya Kovalchuk.

Kovalchuk spied Michal Rozsival standing innocently behind his own goal line to play a puck. “Here is the perfect outlet for all my pent-up frustration,” he thought. And with Rozsival’s back turned to him, Kovalchuk leaped from his skates, flying four feet into the air and slamming into Rozsival.

Rozsival lay on the ice, apparently mortally wounded. Rangers policeman Colton Orr spied Kovalchuk and knew he had to get some revenge. He skated towards Kovalchuk and pounced like a skating lioness hunting her prey. Kovalchuk begged for mercy, to no avail. Finally, he was rescued from certain death by a linesman.

Meanwhile, Rozsival made a miraculous recovery from his injuries. Kovalchuk was given a one-game suspension by NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell, but prevailing opinion is that a lifetime ban would have been more appropriate.

“That,” said Rangers coach Tom Renney, “was the dirtiest play in the history of the National Hockey League.”

NHL Winter Classic: Classic, or forgotten?

January 1, 2008

Today at 1pm eastern time, the NHL had its first ever outdoor hockey game in the US. With over 73,000 fans packed into the home of the Buffalo Bills, everyone was asking the same question: Does anybody care?

You see, here at Rangersin08, we find it hard to label any hockey game a ‘winter classic’ without having the most classy team in hockey, the New York Rangers, a part of it. So when it was all said and done, after the snow had fallen and Sidney Crosby scored the shootout winner, the fans quickly exited the stadium, and television sets were quickly turned off. Rumor has it that the nation was gripped with excitement, hoping to see an appearance of the Czech Cyborg, or the Swedish Rock Star, but were let down once again by two lackluster franchises.

Steven Johnson, long time NYR fan, took the 6+ hour trip to buffalo for the game. When asked about the outcome, he simply said “Predictable, as is any game without the Rangers. There were no winners in today’s game, only losers.”

Emily Adder, a 9 year old Pittsburgh fan, drove up from Pennsylvania with her family and her best friend, Rebbecca. The two youngsters were excited about seeing their favorite player, Sidney Crosby, take to the ice in the winter weather. When asked about how it was to watch a hockey game in the cold, Emily said “Well, my family is from Pittsburgh, so naturally, its usually this cold every winter in our house when we listen to the game on the radio, I just hope Sidney can take it, he’s so delicate…” When our corespondent asked Emily about if she thought Henrik Lundqvist should have been involved in tonights game, she added “Even tho he plays for the rangers, me and Becca always take turns fantasizing about what it would be like to be saved by Lundqvist…” Alas, there was no saves in Buffalo by Henry on this day.

The nation will look forward to tomorrow night, as the NYR will take its 3 game ‘we’re the lord of the rings’ winning streak to western Canada, where they will defeat the Calgary ‘we should be called the calgary ice’ Flames starting at 9pm eastern time.

Sauron

The Rangers are shown above reaching for the Stanley Cup.

C’mon now, this is getting ridiculous.

December 14, 2007

The Rangers’ scoring woes have been much-documented this year. But surely none have cited the utterly frightening statistic which I am about to.

Former 30 goal scorer Petr Prucha and first-line center Brandon Dubinsky are on pace to fall short of the 2001-2002 scoring totals of … Sandy McCarthy.

Yes, that’s right. Sandy McCarthy, the former Ranger enforcer.

While fans were quite fond of McCarthy, they did not generally expect him to use his hands for scoring purposes. As enforcers go, he certainly could play, but come on …

While Dubinsky and Prucha are NHL-caliber players, the fact that two players the Rangers are counting on to produce offense are falling so far short of such a low standard is a problem.

Dubinsky, to me, projects as a second-line center if he improves his skating a bit more, but is not ready for more than a third-line role. Prucha needs to get more PP time, preferably on the ice at the same time as Jagr. He has shown that he can be deadly on the powerplay while playing with the captain.

Prucha, at least, should then be able to outscore Sandy McCarthy.

The best goalie in the NHL is … Stephen Valiquette

November 23, 2007

19 saves in the first period, including a number of truly brilliant ones. Who’s this Lundqvist guy anyway? Valiquette for the Vezina!

“FAN” Poll grossly innacurate

November 23, 2007

In a new fan poll posted on newyorkrangers.com, it states that Philadelphia is the biggest ‘threat’ to the rangers finishing in first place.

Fan Poll

Clearly, it sounds like shenanigans. The obvious choice, ‘none’ received only 7.88% of the votes. If 13320 true Ranger fans voted in this poll, it would be none by 100%. I feel as if the New Jersey Devils organization, and their leader, the dark lord Satan have something to do with this.

Satan

The backup goaltender for the New York Rangers is …

November 22, 2007

http://tinyurl.com/35ohb9

Anyone who can find the missing ‘e’ will be entitled to one dollar per goal Colton Orr scores for the Rangers this season.

So far, the reward is $1.

NIGEL DAWES SENT DOWN…AMERICA DEMANDS ANSWERS

November 21, 2007

In what is a surprise news to this writer, Rangers General Manager Glen Sather has reassigned forward Nigel Dawes to the Hartford Wolfpack of the AHL. He has recalled forward Greg Moore and defenseman Ivan Baranka (I have no idea who he is). In 16 games withe the Rangers this season, Dawes has registered four goals and one assist.

From the numbers thus far at Hartford it seems that Greg Moore is having an excellent season (10G, 8A in 18 games). But why Dawes? Does Sather blame Dawes for the Rangers’ poor play against the Islanders this season? Does he blame Dawes for the lack of production from the offense? Is Straka coming back? Does he think sending down Dawes will ignite the offense? Surely Sather must have a reason for picking Dawes to send down. What do you think NYR nation?

dawes1.png

Some leading scorers

November 18, 2007

Rangers left wing Ryan Hollweg had an assist yesterday. That puts him in the upper echelon of NHL players. As evidence, here is a comparison of his numbers (0 G, 1 A) and salary ($500,000) with some other well-known NHLers.

  • Luongo, VAN: 0 G, 2 A, $6.5 million
  • Turco, DAL: 0 G, 2 A, $5.7 million
  • Osgood, DET: 0 G, 2 A, $800,000
  • Vokoun, FLA: 0 G, 1 A, $5.3 million
  • Brodeur, NJ: 0 G, 1 A, $5.2 million
  • Nabokov, SJ: 0 G, 1 A, $5 million
  • DiPietro, NY: 0 G, 1 A, $4.5 million
  • Kiprusoff, CGY: 0 G, 1 A, $3.6 million
  • Hasek, DET, 0 G, 1 A, $2.05 million
  • Fleury, PIT: 0 G, 1 A, $1.6 million
  • Toskala, TOR: 0 G, 1 A, $1.375 million

You see clearly that Hollweg is providing equal, or almost equal, production to all these well-known players for only a fraction of the price.

(Stats from nhl.com, salaries from nhlpa.com)

Two forwards coming back, who will sit?

November 16, 2007

With Martin Straka and Ryan Callahan coming back, hopefully soon; barring further injuries, who are the odd men out?

I nominate Ryan Hollweg to be the first, simply because I’ve never been a fan of his. As for the second? Well, I love Callahan, but he’s produced one point in eight games this year and isn’t quite the defensive player some of the other guys are. Maybe he’ll go to Hartford for a few games?

Your thoughts, viewers?