Posts Tagged ‘Brendan Shanahan’

Rangers lose to Calgary, decide to not alter history.

January 3, 2008

Last night, the New York Rangers lost to the Calgary Flames 4-3. Or did they? As everyone knows, NYR was on a 3 game winning streak, and Brendan Shanahan declared the NYR as ‘the lord of the rings.’ Now, we all know that LOTR is 3 parts, not 4. Rumor has it that King Henrik, last seen in the 3rd part of the trilogy, Return of the King, where King Henrik returns to the throne of Gondor, did not want to alter history.

“We all know how that story ends. I take the throne, evil is destroyed with the help of my hobbit friends, and I make sweet love to an immortal elf. Why should I change the way that story ends?” It is Rangersin08’s belief that Henry purposely tried to give the Flames the lead last night, just so the LOTR timeline went unscathed. While we all would have liked a 4 game winning streak, we have faith that our king knows whats best for his followers. When asked about the captain of the Flames, Jerome Iginla, Henry said “He’s the captain of the Flames? More like the Ice if you ask me. The only flames in Calgary were behind our airplane as we landed here this morning.”

King Henrik

King Henrik is shown above chillin’ with some royalty and showing off some bling after freeing Gondor from the grip of Sauron.

Calgary Ice

“Henceforth, the Calgary Flames will be known as the Calgary Ice” – King Henrik during his first state of Gondor Address.

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What the Rangers would be if they weren’t hockey players

December 28, 2007

Which Rangers Personality Type (RPT) are you?

Henrik Lundqvist – Talented, brilliant, popular, you still have a certain insecurity that requires you to hide behind a mask.

Petr Prucha – You work very hard. You do more than is asked. You have overcome many difficulties to get where you are today. And you still take nothing but abuse.

Nigel Dawes
– You often go unnoticed for long periods of time. Then, for a few days, you absolutely shine. Everyone falls in love with you. Then you disappear again, but you are not forgotten.

Michal Rozsival – A steady, experienced guy, you have recently started to show flashes of brilliance. However, you still focus on the little things.

Marcel Hossa – You’re quiet and mysterious. Nobody knows what you really are. Your famous brother gets most of the attention.

Dan Girardi – In spite of your youth, you are already considered one of the most dependable workers. You are a clutch performer.

Marek Malik – Much reviled and underappreciated, you try hard to ignore your critics. It’s getting harder, especially since it now appears that your boss is one of them.

Brendan Shanahan – Loved by all, you are immensely loyal and will take on bullies who are going after your friends. You also have a flair for the dramatic, yet are willing to do the dirty work. You have seen it all.

Blair Betts – You are often summoned during crises, and are willing to risk injury when necessary. You often go unnoticed and are not flashy, but you always get the job done.

Brandon Dubinsky – Though young and inexperienced, you have found yourself working with those at the top of your profession. There have been many growing pains, but those who know you have great faith in you. Recently, however, you have been placed back with the young interns to learn your craft.

Marc Staal – In spite of your youth, you have managed to contribute as much as anyone. Sure, there were growing pains, but with guidance from older workers, you were able to get through them amazingly quickly.

Scott Gomez – You put others before yourself. You love nothing more than helping a friend or coworker succeed. Sometimes this is to the detriment of your own success.

Martin Straka – You are well-rounded, with above-average ability in many facets but not extraordinary in any. Very dependable, you show up for work each day, even under the most difficult conditions.

Chris Drury – Similar to Martin Straka, but you’re paid more.

Ryan Callahan – The enthusiastic type, you have some tremendous spurts of productivity. You are trying to learn how to prolong those spurts.

Fedor Tyutin – You’re better than most. Keep it up.

Paul Mara – You try hard but sometimes let everyone down at bad times. However, you manage to escape major criticism, which is usually directed at 8.

Colton Orr – You are a hard worker who always is there when needed. If one of your friends are attacked, you will stop at nothing to defend them.

Jason Strudwick – See Colton Orr, but you’ve spent time in Europe. Not on vacation, mind you – you worked there. You enjoyed it, but wanted to come back home.

Greg Moore – You still need to prove yourself, but you have shown promise. Work hard, and the future is yours.

Ivan Baranka – See Greg Moore.

Sean Avery – You are a punk. You need to learn how society expects you to behave. However, you are witty and popular.

Stephen Valiquette – You are the underappreciated, hard-working understudy that hasn’t been able to make it to the top. Maybe one of these days, but time is running out. Meanwhile, you keep plugging away, and on rare occasions, you get a big assignment. You know, however, that you are just one step away from being in charge – unless management then feels they need someone better.

Ryan Hollweg – Very aggressive. You sometimes bite off more than you can chew, and your recklessness can prove costly – however, this aspect of your personality can also energize others.

Jaromir Jagr
– You are creatively talented and brilliant, but a bit immature. You work hard – when things are going well. You are easily frustrated.

Rangers win!

October 29, 2007

Big day for the big guns: a goal each for Dawes, Jagr and Shanahan.

Assorted thoughts:

  • Why does Renney insist on putting Jagr out in the last minute with a 3-1 lead?
  • Another solid effort by Lundqvist.
  • The Rangers ought to get Hollweg on the PK unit. It will cost them in the long run if they have to burn out their top players. Hollweg certainly has the speed to do it.
  • Dawes: A goal and no assists. HOCKEY IS A TEAM SPORT, NIGEL!

Dawes in the Doghouse?

October 27, 2007

Rangers fans are undoubtedly excited over their beloved team’s recent victory over the rival New Jersey. This feeling of elation can lead to a suspension of rational evaluation of the performance of the players.

Nigel Dawes scored two goals yesterday, leading the team to a 2-0 victory. On closer examination, however, this may be an indication of a serious problem: Nigel Dawes is a selfish player.

Take a look at his career statistics:

Games: 12

Goals: 3

Assists: 0

Numbers do not lie, and in Dawes’ case, the numbers reveal a selfish puckhog unwilling to pass. And some members of the Rangers’ coaching staff are taking notice.

“Yeah, Dawesy has got to pass the puck more. Look at guys like Shanny and Cally. They’re great goal scorers, but they’ll still dish the puck to their teammates,” said coach Tom Renney, revealing both his displeasure with Dawes and his proclivity for astonishingly predictable nicknames for his players.

The assistants were more blunt. Mike Pelino said that Dawes was “a selfish player.” Perry Pearn claimed that Dawes “is thinking only of statistics. He should help out his teammates.”

Renney suggested that Dawes try to emulate fellow Ranger Brandon Dubinsky. Dubinsky has never scored a goal, preferring to share the puck, as illustrated by his assist.

Selfish teams are rarely successful, and it only takes one bad apple. Look at the numbers. Nigel Dawes is that bad apple.