The Devils new arena, known to fans as the “rock,” should just as well be located next to the river styx.
As I came home last night (early morning) I turned my television onto FSNY of (Full of Shit NY) and the Devils’ home opener against the water-tainting Ottawa Senators was being replayed. As they were giving the fans a tour of the Prudential Center on the pregame show, I was extremely impressed. I thought to myself, “Wow, they did a great job down in New Jersey. I wouldn’t mind checking out a Rangers-Devils game down there. How could such a poverty-stricken city and an extremely frugal franchise (who big free agent signings include Aaron Asham and Karel Rachunek) afford to build such a ornate complex?”
Then the answer popped his red, horny head.
Before the player introductions, they Devils showed their pregame introduction on their brand new scoreboard. As AC/DC’s “Hells Bells” was blasting throughout the Newark arena, drowning the remnants from the last Bon Jovi concert, a devil appeared on the screen. Then a montage played, where they showed Devils hockey highlights then cut to the devil applauding these plays. At this point I was thinking to myself, “This can’t be good for PR, I don’t remember a time when the devils have actually aligned themselves with Satan since the Seinfeld episode where Putty painted his face to support the Devil and traumatized the visiting Spanish priest.”
Finally, the video showed the Devil slamming his pitchfork down on the ground. And what happened when he did this? THE PRUDENTIAL CENTER EMERGED FROM THE GROUND READY TO ROCK! NO WONDER WHY CONSTRUCTION TOOK SO LITTLE TIME, NEW JERSEY DEVILS OWNER JEFF VANDERBEEK AND NEWARK MAYOR CORY BOOKER WERE ABLE TO SELL THEIR SOULS TO HAVE THE DEVIL USE HIS MAGICAL PITCHFORK TO BUILD A NEW ARENA! OOOOH MY WHAT A SITE AS THE DEVIL LAUGHED WITH JOY AS HIS LITTLE MINIONS, THE NEW JERSEY DEVILS, CAN NOW SEND OUT HIS MESSAGE OF CHAOS ON EARTH WITH CROSS-CHECKS AND OBSTRUCTION HOOKING CALLS.
In addition, Senators coach, Bryan Murray was seen giving Satan a stack of water bottles. Hmmmm, perhaps Satan is helping the Senators taint the water of their opponents. NYR fans can only speculate at this point, but this twist would be fitting.
Do not trust this 2007-08 New Jersey Devils team, they probably drink the blood of the innocent before all games; perhaps they drink at one of the many bars located in the Prudential Center, which is just one of the many luxurious amenities.