MARTIN BRODUER AWARDED CHRIS SIMON TROPHY

Following the New Jersey Devil’s 4-1 loss to the mighty New York Rangers Monday night, the NHL announced that Martin Broduer, the popular adulterer who moonlights as a minor league hockey goalie, will be awarded the Chris Simon trophy for unsportsmanlike conduct.  The announcement came as no surprise to Ranger fans everywhere, as they are used to seeing Marty’s antics in the crease… although we only hear about his antics in the bedroom.

When asked for comment, Marty just simply ignored our reporter, much like he simply ignored shaking hands following the Devil’s thrashing last spring in the playoffs.

Since we couldn’t get a comment from Marty, we asked the world’s favorite goalie, Henrik Lundqvist, how he felt about the news: “It couldn’t have been awarded to a worse guy.  Marty cheats at hockey, as well as his marriage.  Its as if the Chris Simon award was made for Marty.”  When asked about how it is to lead the league in wins this season, Henry added “Wait until we play some real teams, I don’t know why the NHL even awards us 2 points in the standings for playing the Devils, aren’t they the Albany River Rats’ farm team??”  Henry then left to go meet up with some Swedish supermodels.

TWO TERRIBLE WEEKS

NYR HAS LOST 6 OUT OF THE LAST 7. WHY?

Rangers lose to Calgary, decide to not alter history.

Last night, the New York Rangers lost to the Calgary Flames 4-3. Or did they? As everyone knows, NYR was on a 3 game winning streak, and Brendan Shanahan declared the NYR as ‘the lord of the rings.’ Now, we all know that LOTR is 3 parts, not 4. Rumor has it that King Henrik, last seen in the 3rd part of the trilogy, Return of the King, where King Henrik returns to the throne of Gondor, did not want to alter history.

“We all know how that story ends. I take the throne, evil is destroyed with the help of my hobbit friends, and I make sweet love to an immortal elf. Why should I change the way that story ends?” It is Rangersin08’s belief that Henry purposely tried to give the Flames the lead last night, just so the LOTR timeline went unscathed. While we all would have liked a 4 game winning streak, we have faith that our king knows whats best for his followers. When asked about the captain of the Flames, Jerome Iginla, Henry said “He’s the captain of the Flames? More like the Ice if you ask me. The only flames in Calgary were behind our airplane as we landed here this morning.”

King Henrik is shown above chillin’ with some royalty and showing off some bling after freeing Gondor from the grip of Sauron.

“Henceforth, the Calgary Flames will be known as the Calgary Ice” – King Henrik during his first state of Gondor Address.

NHL Winter Classic: Classic, or forgotten?

Today at 1pm eastern time, the NHL had its first ever outdoor hockey game in the US. With over 73,000 fans packed into the home of the Buffalo Bills, everyone was asking the same question: Does anybody care?

You see, here at Rangersin08, we find it hard to label any hockey game a ‘winter classic’ without having the most classy team in hockey, the New York Rangers, a part of it. So when it was all said and done, after the snow had fallen and Sidney Crosby scored the shootout winner, the fans quickly exited the stadium, and television sets were quickly turned off. Rumor has it that the nation was gripped with excitement, hoping to see an appearance of the Czech Cyborg, or the Swedish Rock Star, but were let down once again by two lackluster franchises.

Steven Johnson, long time NYR fan, took the 6+ hour trip to buffalo for the game. When asked about the outcome, he simply said “Predictable, as is any game without the Rangers. There were no winners in today’s game, only losers.”

Emily Adder, a 9 year old Pittsburgh fan, drove up from Pennsylvania with her family and her best friend, Rebbecca. The two youngsters were excited about seeing their favorite player, Sidney Crosby, take to the ice in the winter weather. When asked about how it was to watch a hockey game in the cold, Emily said “Well, my family is from Pittsburgh, so naturally, its usually this cold every winter in our house when we listen to the game on the radio, I just hope Sidney can take it, he’s so delicate…” When our corespondent asked Emily about if she thought Henrik Lundqvist should have been involved in tonights game, she added “Even tho he plays for the rangers, me and Becca always take turns fantasizing about what it would be like to be saved by Lundqvist…” Alas, there was no saves in Buffalo by Henry on this day.

The nation will look forward to tomorrow night, as the NYR will take its 3 game ‘we’re the lord of the rings’ winning streak to western Canada, where they will defeat the Calgary ‘we should be called the calgary ice’ Flames starting at 9pm eastern time.

The Rangers are shown above reaching for the Stanley Cup.

RANGERSIN08 WISHES A HAPPY KING DAY!

SEE YOU IN 08

SEASON OVER

SEE YOU IN 2009!

“FAN” Poll grossly innacurate

In a new fan poll posted on newyorkrangers.com, it states that Philadelphia is the biggest ‘threat’ to the rangers finishing in first place.

Clearly, it sounds like shenanigans. The obvious choice, ‘none’ received only 7.88% of the votes. If 13320 true Ranger fans voted in this poll, it would be none by 100%. I feel as if the New Jersey Devils organization, and their leader, the dark lord Satan have something to do with this.

Good defeats evil yet again

In the shootout, Petr Prucha pwnd Marty Broduer’s face with an amazing move, and with King Henry’s amazing (yet again) performance, the New York Rangers proved once again that good always defeats evil in this world.

King Henry > Satan

rangersin08 back from florida

just returned from my trip to florida, where I went to disney, where even mickey mouse himself was pumped up about tonights game against the penguins!

LETS GO RANGERS!

DAWES RETURNS TO BROADWAY

http://www.newyorkrangers.com/pressbox/pressreleases.asp?id=3067

NYR announced today that N. Dawes himself will be returning to Broadway.  Many were stunned when N. Dawes was sent down before the season began, as he had an excellent pre-season stint.

The big question becomes which line does he go on??  Are we going to see big line shuffling tomorrow against Atlanta?  Will he be with Jagr again like he spent some time with him in the pre-season?? WILL SYLAR STRIKE AGAIN??
ALL THESE BURNING QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED TOMORROW NIGHT AGAINST ATLANTA THRASHERS 7PM!!!!